Why Relationships Can’t Teach You How to Be Loved

Posted on - in Culture & Communication
why relationships can't teach you how to be loved

When you meet someone who makes you feel special, you want to hold onto that feeling. You return it without reservation, and it’s easy to excuse faults and red flags in your partner. But you’re always wondering if you’re good enough. You’re not sure how to accept love.

After being in relationships that cause you to question your worth and identity, you can tell by now that something is missing. You’ve tried changing things about yourself and attempted to hide your flaws. But you don’t feel accepted in your relationships, and it’s tiring when you can’t figure out how to be loved authentically.

But the problem doesn’t only lie with the relationships you’ve been in. Reaching a lasting and healthy place requires you to love yourself first. Learning how to be loved starts with accepting your interests, values, weaknesses, strengths and quirks.

But why doesn’t changing yourself to please others bring happiness?

You’re Distracted From Personal Growth

Embracing what other people like without exploring your thoughts and feelings keeps you from developing as a person. You’re preoccupied with your partner and your relationship, so you never get a chance to reflect on your progress.

As an individual, you can look to others without being able to stand apart with a unique perspective. That leaves you unsure and confused, but striving to cultivate your unique viewpoint is crucial. Your course in life is just as important as someone else’s, so honor it with your time and effort.

You Prioritize Your Partner’s Desires Over Your Own

In relationships, compromise is inevitable. It’s healthy to have mutual give-and-take with someone. Even in the most supportive relationships, putting someone else’s happiness over your own can eventually become a problem.

If you won’t acknowledge what you need to be happy, how can someone else help you attain it? Recognize your desires and hopes so you can openly share with your partner. Empower yourself by admitting your right to a fulfilled life.

You Rely on Others’ Opinions of You

Outward encouragement doesn’t build self-esteem. But your relationship can be the only source of positivity about yourself you believe. Your partner’s compliments and kindness can go a long way toward shaping how you view yourself.

However, appreciating yourself starts with inner understanding. Your personality traits and physical qualities warrant affection. Practice affirming yourself until you can genuinely express a positive view of yourself without hesitation.

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You Let Self-Care Take a Back Seat

When you don’t love yourself first, you can avoid caring for your mental, physical and emotional health in your relationships. Your partner can try to look out for your wellness, but who knows your past struggles better than you?

Set proper boundaries so you can reach healing. Self-care is your responsibility to your personal health, so nurture yourself with mindful practices. You know the best methods to refresh yourself when you’re under stress, and you can treat yourself with the love you deserve.

You End up Disappointed

If you alter yourself to be likable for others, you immediately regret the pains you took once they’re out of your life. Trusting in a relationship without loving yourself first leads to a letdown.

The most permanent relationship you have is with yourself. Avoid disappointment by respecting and honoring your likes, dislikes and opinions. Your future relationships can benefit from your renewed self-awareness and blooming self-love.

Start Your Self-Love Journey

Get to know who you truly are to accept yourself. While relationships can’t teach you how to be loved, you can learn what satisfying love is when you begin to appreciate yourself.

Strive to own your mistakes, successes and growth to understand love on a deeper level.

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Also published on Medium.

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Kayla Matthews writes Productivity Theory and is constantly seeking to provide new tips and hacks to keep you motivated and inspired! You can also find her on Huffington Post and Tiny Buddha, and follow her on Google+ and Twitter to stay up to date on her latest productivity posts!

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